Will I ever find love?

I know it sounds ridiculous to question it or to even try to cry myself out with the idea of it bust sometimes I really believe it will never happen. For know i am in love with the idea of love. My fantasies with male actors, singers and fantasy guys are becoming so specific and detailed that sometimes i start to think they are actually true. And if it isn't more sane know i pass my days obsessed with love movies. I get into them so much that the love story of the movie affects me more than what is going around me. Living in the love of characters in series and movies has become the closest thing I have felt in a relationship or love itself. I know its pathetic. Even when I was skinny I couldn't get a single guy to ask me out, or just go over and talk to me. What is so wrong about me? what is it about my personality that makes them just run away, or get annoyed or what is it… It just frustrates me to realise that I may be the problem. However unlike may girls I cannot seem to be able to change my personality or the way I express myself, its just physically impossible. But instead I have just become a hermit, that communicates and interacts with people in the smallest way possible.
Is love only a distraction? I wonder will it always end in broken hearts, sadness, yelling and complications? I used to believe there was someone out there that I would laugh with and just have fun, trusting him with everything. Resently I can see now that what I want is merley in pictures and movies… not even my parents have it and I used to think they were perfect, the exception… but that another topic that today I don't wish to discuss. So as for love I'm sorry i won't give you a chance in my heart or life you stand merely as a distraction, and its not like if you are at my door anyway…

Hi! Today is the day I first created this blog and to be honest I'm not comfortable yet with the idea of writing in it. However i doubt anybody will ever see it and so I will just make a quick summary of what  I am trying to accomplish here….
To be honest the main point is to start pratice writing specially for the SAT's which to be quite honest are a pain
Also this might help me undrain the stress i have right now accumulated in my life and it my help me just drain out every thing
Finally i want to remember my life specially now my junior and senior year of high school
so during these days i will show you my life